PaulThology

The second annual WCHA Final Five Reunion is in the books, and this year featured better hockey, and as much or more fun than last year. Why?

This year the Gophers finally played like the games meant something, which many fans argued as the difference from former Minnesota tournament flops. They won in incredible fashion, on a St. Patty’s Day must’ve been Luck o’ the Irish OT goal vs. the soon-to-be former Fighting Sioux of North Dakota. Sophomore Blake Wheeler followed up his first career hat-trick in the Friday semi-final vs. Wisconsin with an athletic goal eerily similar to Neal Broten’s famous 1979 game winner, also vs. UND. Watch Wheeler’s goal here, or watch them both here.

As far as the non-hockey moments go, there were many memorable ones, headlined by the dominance of Deaner at the Hammer-schlagen stump at Half Time Rec while the Irish Brigade was on music breaks. Matt cleaned out the game’s co-franchise owner Jim of his coozies and other game kitsch, at one point winning both right and left-handed fingerless gloves printed with the game’s logo. Jim said he remembered me from my college days (mid 1990’s), as we were some of the most loyal young kids to frequent Half Time Rec, and he again dogged me out for being a “great customer”…one who keeps playing, yet never wins. Like many “great customers,” he tagged me with a female moniker every few minutes, and we of course returned the favor. D-Train never picked up on the fact that we were trying to come up with really obscure female names for Jim, and seriously thought Jim’s name was Carmen or Constance.

Two late-night visits to Mickey’s Diner were almost joined by a third had the line not been too long, and one of our friends had not been too drunk to function. On the last night (Sat.) we were joined at our booth by some smart local strangefolk, looking to minimize both a) the time to eat, and b) their Sunday morning headaches.

Other memorable quotes and ear-popping good times, including several inside jokes:

Two VIP passes to the Kramer castle in Stillwater, complete with birthday breakfast casserole, some absolutely insane cake, and a long walk with two awesome canines…even if you have to carry their dogpotty.

“This is your time, boys. This is your time.”

“Wis-con-sin su-uuucks.”
“You-need-a-new-joke.”

The smoking ban in St. Paul meant our clothes and hotel room didn’t smell like a truck stop ashtray. Hooray for smoking bans.

“I don’t know how to use a cell phone. I really wish my wife would just give me a quick 10 minute lesson.”

“Did your buddy pay for his beers?”
“Don’t know that, but I know he went upstairs.”

“We don’t need you to be 100% the morning after a long night out, but we do need to see hourly progress.”

“Local calls from the hotel aren’t free?”
“Nope…they just changed that, in 1979.”

“Julio? Your name is Julio? You look like a Dane or a Swede or something…how ’bout I just call you Henry (awn-ree)?”

“Stillwater, you guys are from Stillwater? Do you know the Kramers? They’re the ones with a line of twenties leading up to their doorstep.”

“D, you’re no BTK. You’re BVK…Broken Volume Knob.”

“This smoothie has 1000% RDV of Vitamin C…they could stop at like 300%.”
(Later) “I sure am thankful for that last 700% of Vitamin C today.”

“Thanks for having this meal with us, it was a meal we’ll always remember and can talk about…
“…but never will.”

We missed Pez-dispensing “ATM” every time the bill came due.

Tim the beer guy…”Our Tim, Boys.”

“You see these gloves? They don’t just give these things out to anyone.”

Gayberries.

All in all, I think we learned that verbal domination almost always wins over meatheads who think that for some reason you’ll be ashamed of your collegiate loyalty. Unfortunately they often feel the need to resort to violence when frustrated. The smart ones, well, they just tuck tail and run.